Silly Chanukah Songs

Mrs. Maccabeus

(by Ben Aronin, z"l, of Congregation Anshe Emet in Chicago)

(to the tune of "O Chanukah")

Each Chanukah we glorify brave Judah Maccabeus
Who had the courage to defy Antiochus, and free us,
Yet it is not fair that we should forget
Mrs. Maccabeus, whom we owe a debt.
She mixed it, and fixed it
She poured it into a bowl
You may not guess, but it was the latkes
That gave brave Judah a soul.
You may not guess but it was the latkes
That gave brave Judah a soul.

The Syrians said: "It cannot be that old Mattathias
Whose years are more than 83 will dare to defy us!"
But they didn't know his secret, you see
Mattathias dined on latkes and teac.
One latke, two latkes
And so on into the night
You may not guess but it was the latkes
that gave him the courage to fight.
You may not guess but it was the latkes
that gave him the courage to fight.

Now this is how it came about this gastonomic wonder
That broke the ranks of Syria like flaming bolts of thunder
Mrs. Maccabeus wrote in the dough
Portions of the Torah then fried them so.
They shimmered, they simmered,
Absorbing the olive oil
You may not guess but it was the latkes
that made the Syrians recoil.
You may not guess but it was the latkes
that made the Syrians recoil.

Now these little latkes brown and delicious
must have hit the spot 'cause with appetites vicious
All the heroes downed them after their toil
Causing in our Temple a shortage of oil
One latke, two latkes,
And so on into the night.
You may not guess but it was the latkes
that gave us the Chanukah light.
You may not guess but it was the latkes
that gave us the Chanukah light.

The Eight Nights of Hanukkah

On the first night of Hanukkah, someone sent to me, a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.

On the second night of Hanukkah, someone sent to me, two matzoh balls and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.

On the third night of Hanukkah, someone sent to me, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.

On the fourth night of Hanukkah, someone sent to me, four pounds of corned beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.

On the fifth night of Hanukkah, someone sent to me, five kosher dills, four pounds of corned beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.

On the sixth night of Hanukkah, someone sent to me, six grandmas cooking, five kosher dills, four pounds of corned beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.

On the seventh night of Hanukkah, someone sent to me, seven rabbis dancing, six grandmas cooking, five kosher dills,four pounds of corned beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.

On the eighth night of Hanukkah, someone sent to me, eight fiddlers fiddling, seven rabbis dancing, six grandmas cooking, five kosher dills, four pounds of corned beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.

Eight Days of Fire

(To the tune of Jerry Lee Lewis' "Great Balls of Fire")
By Josh Males

They beat the Greeks and they chased them away.
Their flask of oil would burn just one day.
They lit the wick - Oh, what a trick!
Ribono Shel Olam, Eight days of Fire!

They cleaned the temple an' they made it look nice.
Brought a couple cows for a sacrifice.
Those Maccabees - Threw out the sleaze.
Ribono Shel Olam, Eight days of Fire!

Chorus

Light those candles, oooh...
from left to right
Place that Menorah
over by the window in plain sight
Those lights
So bright
Add another candle every night,night,night,night

We open up the presents as we sing "Maoz Tzur".
You hope it ain't clothes but you can never be sure.
Instead of "Gelt",
You got a belt!
Ribono Shel Olam, Eight days of Fire!

Chorus

We spin the "dreidel" an' we don't go to school.
We chant the "Hallel" every morning in "Shul".
Dressed in "Gatkes",
We scarf down "latkes"
Ribono Shel Olam, Eight days of Fire!