You can add them at the appropriate place in the order of events, or save them for after the meal, when attention and interest might be flagging.
by Kate Gladstone (handwritingrepair@gmail.com) and Andrew Haber (ashaber@nycap.rr.com)
(tune: SNOOPY VERSUS THE RED BARON by The Royal Guardsmen)
Long, long ago in a faraway land
Where people were treated like so much sand,
The King of Egypt was a real jerk,
Imposing an impossible load of work.
CHORUS:
Ten, forty, fifty, or two hundred or more [1]
Disasters, depending upon who's keeping score:
Centuries waiting for liberty
And now's the moment we can all get free.A prince of Egypt who was born a slave
Learned his past, and he started to misbehave:
Killed a slave-driver, and he fled from the strife --
Then forty years later, a Voice changed his life.
CHORUS:"Go back to Egypt, get My people free" --
"N-no, don't g-give this job to m-me:
I can barely t-talk, I sound like a j-jerk
This freedom n-notion c-can't w-work."
CHORUS:He didn't want to do it, but he'd give it a try,
The Voice assured him that he could get by --
So back to Egypt to begin the quest,
The Voice gave him help, but would not let him rest.
CHORUS:He said to the King, "Let My People Go,
Or you'll have suffering, plagues, and woe
Like you wouldn't believe, until you agree
To let the Israelites get out free."
CHORUS:Then he told us how to prepare and wait,
"We'll all move together on a certain date.
Take what you can, better fill up a sack,
Finish your lamb, 'cause we're not coming back.
CHORUS:"Have your shoes on your feet, your staff in your hand,
The hour is coming to escape this land."
We'd packed our bags, started baking our bread,
When there came the signal to move ahead.
CHORUS:Couldn't wait around for the bread to rise,
So we carried the dough: no time for goodbyes.
Marching out by the light of a big full moon,
Our bread was flat, but our hearts were in tune.
CHORUS:We reached the Sea, but we stopped right there.
With no boats, we couldn't go anywhere.
"Did you take us out here to die," we quipped,
"Because there weren't any graves in Egypt?"
CHORUS:In jumped Nakhshon [2], then the waters parted;
The Sea went back to where it started.
The waters drowned Egypt's cavalry power:
We sang and danced -- they were dead in one hour.
CHORUS:And ever since then at Pesach time
In story and symbol, in song and rhyme
We tell our escape, and remember the night
Of Egypt's loss and the Israelites' flight.
CHORUS:
[1] Reflects the Haggadah's report of various rabbis' calculations
that each of the Ten Plagues actually comprised either 4, 5, 20, or 25
independently inflicted sub-plagues, bringing the total number of
plagues to either 40, 50, 200, or 250.
[2] According to midrash, the Reed Sea didn't actually split until
sometime *after* the Hebrews waded in: with the waters nostril-high, a
man named Nakhshon ben Aminadav kept going ... while others halted, he
jumped forward and
THEN the miracle kicked in ...
(tune: Clementine)
Said the parents to their children
"At the Seder you will dine.
You will eat your fill of matzah,
You will drink four cups of wine."Now the parents had four children,
Yes, their offspring numbered four.
One was wise and one was wicked,
One was simple and a bore.And the fourth was sweet and winsome
Quite young and very small.
While the others
asked the questions
This one could barely speak at all.Said the wise one, "Tell me, Mother,
"Would you please explain the laws
Of the customs of the Seder?
Would you please
explain the cause."And the mother proudly answered
"As our ancestors ate in speed
Ate the paschal lamb 'ere midnight
And from slavery were freed.""So we follow their example,
And 'ere midnight must complete
All the Seder, and we should not,
After twelve remain to eat."Then did sneer the child so wicked,
"What does all this mean to you?"
And the father's voice grew bitter,
As his grief and anger grew."If yourself you don't consider
As a child of Israel
Then for you this has no meaning,
You should be a slave as well."Then the simple one said simply
"What is this?" and quietly
The good parents told their offspring
"We were freed from slavery."But the youngest one was silent
And could not speak at all.
With bright eyes filled with wonder
As the parents told it all.Now dear children, heed the lesson
And remember even more
What the parents told their children,
Told their kids that numbered four.
(The original "Ballad of the Four Sons" to the tune of Clementine was written by Ben Aronin in 1948. The gender-neutral adaptation to Four Children was done by William Sharlin, Sandy Bogin, Carol Levy, Elizabeth Levy, and Lisa Rauchwerger.This version thanks to Mark Frydenberg)
(Words by Rachel & Ed Scheinerman)
Take coconut, eggs, and lots of grease,
Cook 'em in the oven for your Pesach feast.
They won't rise 'cause they ain't got yeast.
Hey, macaroons!Mix matzah meal with eggs for a goop
Form into balls and drop in your soup
So heavy on your spoon it will make it droop
Hey, kneidlach!Through the woods a rabbi took a hike
Found a lake at the edge of a dike
For her favorite dish caught some carp and pike
Hey, gefilte fish!What do you need for your seder plate?
What do you eat before it's too late?
What do you take to anti-constipate?
Hey, stewed prunes!What do we crave on the very last night
Sprinkled with cheese for a dinner that's light
Al dente noodles that we long to bite
Hey, macaroni!
(tune: Take Me Out to the Ballgame)
Take me out to the Seder
Take me out to the crowd
Feed me some matzah and kosher wine
We'll wine and dine and we'll have a good time
For we'll root for Moshe Rabbeinu
And our crossing through the Reed Sea
For it's one, two, ...four cups of wine
We rejoice that we are free!
(tune: I've Been Working on the Railroad)
I've been cooking for this seder
Erev Pesach day
Making matzah balls and kugel
So we'll feast as well as pray
Can't you smell the pareve sponge cake
It rises up so little without yeast
Can't you hear our voices singing
At this joyous Pesach feast
Mama, you can cook
Mama, you can cook
Milchidik and fleishidik and pareve, too
Mama, you can stew
Mama, you can stew
Your seder food's delicious and we thank you
(to the tune of "Maria")
Elijah!
I just saw the prophet Elijah.
And suddenly that name
Will never sound the same to me.
Elijah!
He came to our seder
Elijah!
He had his cup of wine,
But could not stay to dine
This year--
Elijah!
For your message all Jews are waiting:
That the time's come for peace
and not hating--
Elijah--
Next year we'll be waiting.
Elijah!
(to the tune of "Just a Spoon Full of Sugar")
Chorus:
Just a tad of charoset helps the bitter herbs go down,
The bitter herbs go down, the bitter herbs go down.
Just a tad of charoset helps the bitter herbs go down,
In the most disguising way.Oh, back in Egypt long ago,
The Jews were slaves under Pharaoh.
They sweat and toiled and labored through the day.
So when we gather Pesach night,
We do what we think right.
Maror, we chew,
To feel what they went through.
So after years of slavery
They saw no chance of being free.
Their suffering was the only life they knew.
But baby Moses grew up tall,
And said he'd save them all.
He did, and yet,
We swear we won't forget.
That......
While the maror is being passed,
We all refill our water glass,
Preparing for the taste that turns us red.
Although maror seems full of minuses,
It sure does clear our sinuses.
But what's to do?
It's hard to be a Jew!!!
(to the tune of "Do You Hear the People Sing" from Les Miserables)
Do you hear the doorbell ring,
And it's a little after ten?
It can only be Elijah
Come to take a sip again.
He is feeling pretty fine
But in his head a screw is loose.
So perhaps instead of wine
We should only give him juice.
(to the tune of "Makin' Whoopee")
Another Pesach, another year,
The family seder with near and dear...
Our faces shining,
All thoughts of dining
Are put on hold now.
We hear four questions,
The answer given
Recalls the Jews from Egypt driven.
The chrain is bitter, (charoses better!)
Please pass the matzah.
Why is this evening different
From all the other nights?
This year the Jews all over
Are free to perform the rites.
A gorgeous dinner--who can deny it--
Won't make us thinner, to hell with diet!
It's such great cooking...
and no one's looking,
So just enjoy it.
Moving along at steady clip
Elijah enters, and takes a sip;
And then the singing with voices ringing
Our laughter mingling.
When singing about Chad Gadya.
Watch close or your place you'll lose,
For Echad Mi Yodea:
Which tune shall we use?
We pray next Pesach
We'll all be here.
It's a tradition...
Same time next year...
So fill it up now, the final cup now,
Next year at
(sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things")
Matzah and maror, a fine combination
Who would choose these for a fun celebration?
Matzah is dry and it sticks to your mouth
Maror's so bitter you want to spit it out.Hillel, he told us a sandwich to make
Remember the Temple for tradition's sake
But why did he cyhoose such a duo as these?
When chocolate and ice cream are so sure to please?Hillel knew that
In the springtime
Pollen's always near
Allergies flourish and no one can breathe
But maror your sinuses will clear!
(sung to the tune of the "Adam's Family" theme song)
They're creepy and they're yucky
They're altogether ucky
They're so completley mucky
We're talking 'bout the Plagues.The Nile turned to blood
Which was far worse than mud
Then frogs and lice and crud
The start of the Ten Plagues.Next beasts, blight, and boils
On commoners and royals
Then hail and locusts spoiled
The country. It was wrecked.Then Egypt drowned in darkness
The country was a big mess
All chaos, as you can guess
Pharaoh could not protect.The last plague was the worst
The first-born sons were cursed
Their parent's hearts were burst
And Pharaoh let us go.Each year we tell the story
Although this part is gory
It still speaks of God's glory
Remember the Ten Plagues.Our cups are filled with wine
The joy with which we dine
Our joy is far less fine
When we remember the Ten Plagues.
by Rabbi Moshe Zemer
The winter of 1994 was tough on many of Europe's root crops. A week before Passover the Jewish Community of Madrid found that the shipment of horseradish it had ordered from Bolivia would now not arrive until ten days after the Passover ended.
The community needed the horseradish for its traditional paschal ritual of Marror, but whomever they tried approaching from among the EU suppliers, they received the same reply "Sorry! No can do." In desperation, the Rabbi phoned one of his Yeshiva friends in Tel Aviv -- who happened to be the second cousin of the Mashgiach for Agrexco -- and begged him to organize the despatch of a crate of Israeli horseradish roots, by air-freight to Madrid.
It took the friend two days to organize, and two days before Passover, a crate of grade A tear-jerking Israeli horseradish roots was proudly loaded at Ben Gurion Airport onto the El-Al flight 789 to Madrid, and all seemed to be well.
Unfortunately when the Rabbi came to Madrid Airport in order to take the crate out of Customs, he was informed that an unforseen wildcat strike had just broken out among the members of the airport's Transport and General Workers Union, and no shipments would be unloaded for at least four days.
So you see, "the chraine in Spain stayed mainly on the plane!"
words by Doug Ballon
to the tune of “Those Were the Days” by Gene Raskin
Once upon a time in Pharaoh’s palace,
Mo’ and Aaron raised a rod or two.
Remember how they brought ten plagues on Egypt,
Until the tyrant said that he was through.Chorus:
Those were the plagues my friend, we thought they’d bring an end,
To hauling bricks we made of straw and clay.
Pharaoh was dealt a blow, and let our people go,
So we were free and sure to have our way!
Yi di di di di di, Yi di di di di di
Those were the plagues, oh yes, those were the plagues.First, God made the water turn all bloody—
The fishes in the Nile did rather stink.
Rivers, ponds and even bowls turned cruddy,
And not a single drop was left to drink.
The second plague of frogs turned out no better,
With bouncy little critters all around.
The only ones that lived were in the river—
The rest became a big green, smelly mound!
Moses and the Lord kept pressing Pharaoh—
With lice, and flies, and then a cattle blight.
Boils and hail and locusts didn’t sway him,
And then God made the day as dark as night.
On the door we finally smeared some lamb’s blood,
And prepared the first Passover feast.
The Lord struck down the first-born throughout Egypt—
Sparing not a child nor any beast.